Sick

Today, I feel a little ill. I think it has something to do with getting up and drinking coffee before eating anything. The caffine really messes with my stomach, and on an empty stomach, it may make me feel a little sick. It may also be that I am a little nervous about the semester starting. After all, I am taking really hard classes, and I am taking several of them. I have never really taken hard classes before. Who knows, maybe they won't be as hard as I am imagining them to be.

The last of Alyssa's things are ready to be loaded. Her daughter has come home now, and both of them seem so happy. I am trying to find them a house. They are currently renting and paying way too much. Of course Alyssa has found another house for them to rent that is less than half of what they are currently paying. The thing is that I hate to see her throwing money away. I am searching for a house in Borger that has three bedrooms, a large living room and kitchen, and I want it to have a least 1 and a half bathrooms, but Alyssa doesn't really care if it only has one. I, however, know what it feels like to have to wait on someone for LONG periods of time. (If I have to use the bathroom in the morning, I have to make sure to get up before Daddy. Sometimes, Daddy doesn't need the bathroom in the morning, but when he does, he usually reads or messes with his phone and loses track of time.) I have actually already grown very fond of Ciara (pronounced Kyra), even though little kids drive me insane. She is cute too and just like her mother. She eats constantly and in big quantities. That's alright though; Alyssa is reimbersing us for the food she ate while here. I feel great about it. I actully hate to see her go. Anyway, I don't mind how much she ate if she is going to replace or pay for it. The problem right now is that we have, literally, no food in the house. What we have you can't really eat by itself. We have a little bit of frozen meat, hamburger helper (spaghetti) with no hamburger meat (oops), milk for Conner, burritos that you have to eat with cheese and/or ranch (which we have neither), tator tots and fries (which don't really make a meal for anyone besides Alyssa and Daddy), and condiments. We have some poptarts for Conner's breakfast as well as a little cereal, but other than that, its ramen noodles and mac-and-cheese all the way. We have been living off of that for the last two weeks. I have to admit I feel like I have taken a step back...three years back (that is what Daddy and I lived off of when we first got married).

Anyway, school starts tomorrow, like I have already said. I am a little sad to leave my baby again. He is growing up so fast, and now I don't get to enjoy time with him. The time I will have with him will be short, and even then he will be eating or sleeping. The only days I have with him will be Thursday and part of Friday. Sundays I will have him for the evening, but other than that, our time together will be sporatic. So sad. I still haven't found daycare. No one in Borger has an opening. I hate that. I have to leave him with Daddy's grandparents, and they are getting to old to keep up with an active child; and he is very active (I have a hard time keeping up)! My schedule is going to be crazy this semester. I am hoping to find child care soon. I need to substitute! And unless Pawpaw and Gam'ma want to keep him an extra day every now and then, I can't. Plus, that would mean that I lose another day with my baby. The problem is that I need to substitute in order to keep the job that I love! But I love my baby too! I just don't know what to do. I need to keep the job so that my baby's future will be a little brighter, but I am losing precious moments with him...and these are the moments I don't want to lose. You can see my delima!

This talk is depressing me.